Too Tired for Sex?

A hard working woman has to deal with all kinds of tiring, strenuous activity throughout the day. From waking up and cooking breakfast for her male counterpart; usually giving up extra amounts of sleep each day. Next, depending on whether she's a school student, or executive woman dealing with the stress and headaches that accompanies these two professions; from bosses to professors. After that coming home and still being responsible for her fiduciary responsibilities like washing the dishes, doing laundry and preparing an excellent, exquisite cuisine. When it's all over and its all done off goes the television along with the lights and what comes next has to be on the minds of at least 85% of all men. SEX, and the question surfaces is there such a thing as being Too Tired For Sex?

From a males perspective I would say the answer is no. Forget Anniverseries, birthdays and some holidays the one thing a guy knows and never loses track of is, the last time he had sex. We can tolerate a woman being tired and lazy on most of her other activities and responsibilities, but this one in particular has to be fulfilled. I'm not stating that when a man demands it he should receive it automatically every time, but a claim of being too tired does not signify a plausible enough reason for such a prudish temperament in the bedroom. I know what women are asking themselves. "What if I'm just not in the mood?" I understand that state of mind, every once in awhile guys are not in the mood as well, but sex serves as more than just an aphrodisiac. Sex strengthens the intimacy of relationships as well as relieves stress, releases tension and ultimately improves the overall health of ones codependent connection with their partner. The absence of sex for a guy is almost the same as a woman's time of the month. We start going through withdrawls, becoming irritable, even losing sleep because our bodies physically and emotionally can not function without it. Right up there with communication, the key to a healthy relationship is a healthy sex life.

How soon is too soon/How long is to long to say ...I LOVE YoU?

Take for instance your friend, or co worker that met a person literally New Years Eve, continued to talk to this person and started using the three letter phrase in place of their daily vernacular by early summer. You are happy for them, but in the back of your mind do you ever ask the question...Does this person know what love is? In contrast, take for instance the couple that has been together for five years, live together with no kids, but the guy is afraid to say I Love You. Which brings me to my question... How soon is too soon/How long is to long to say ...I LOVE YoU?

Keep in mind that there are three types of love: the adolescent love that consumes your thoughts and actions, the sexual passionate love that is primarily focused around sex, and the after all the glitz and glamour have departed what stands after that love. My guess is if you are at the adolescent stage of love, it might be too soon to tell another person you love them, but if you have been with a person for five years for the most part all of the glitz and glamour has been seen already, and you are past the previous two stages of love, so what would prohibit this person from saying I love You. I know what you are asking yourself...What if the other person initiates the phrase before you, what do you say, how do you respond? The only thing you can do is to remain cool, calm and collected and express your feelings to the best of your abilities.

Food for Thought...You can pressure a person into saying I Love You and risk the chance of that person saying it and not really meaning it, scaring the other person off because they are not quite ready for love and all the strings associated with it, or waiting for the other person to say I Love You (which may take longer than anticipated). I normally use the one year rule. If you have been with a person for a year, or longer and they have seen your daily actions, episodes, routines and occurrences, and in knowing that they accept you for you, then, the three letter words might possibly be OK to say, (or whisper) but not before then.
romance and relationships

Why do we substitute sex for solutions?

Is it that we are utterly scared of the truth? Are there truths and answers that should not be revealed, or better yet being hidden for the delay of the inevitable? Approximately 8 out of 10 relationships get dragged out longer than necessary because people are afraid to let go, the love factor, and/or both parties decide to take another chance at romance with the same person with no real solutions for fixing the problems they had from the beginning. It is an epic tale of tranquility and calmness at first, everything is going well...so you think, and then one day out of no where it hits you, BAMM like a Mike Tyson hook to the abdomen and there you are, left laying in the middle of the ring thinking about what just happened and what could of possibly went wrong. Lets see if I can paint the picture. You guys got in an argument Thursday, broke up Friday, both parties go out and experience Saturday, speak Saturday night, and again on Sunday, seemed to have patched up your differences by Monday, had sex Monday and Tuesday night and were back together Wednesday. Ever had this happen to you?

Don't get me wrong I enjoy sex as much as the next guy, or girl. The sensation, the passion, the intensity and even the morning after, but when the actual action starts to serve as a cop out, or substitution for real issues that need to be discussed that's when you have a problem. The idea of letting sex dictate the health and stability of your relationship is a call for heartbreak and disaster. But the combination of both open communication and sex will allow a couple to gain knowledge, and be able to comprehend better the wants and needs of their partner. Communication is the foundation, sex is the reinforcement. Sex serves as a quick temporary fix, not a gold bond treated permanent fix. People place more value and worth on sex rather than answers to problems, or ideas to difficult, complex situations which could drastically improve the relationship.

The feeling sucks you in, then your body gives in, one thing leads to another and next thing you know.....

romance and relationships

Is this what you want?

Your emotions are telling you to stay, but in the back of your mind something is telling you to go. Have you ever been confronted with this type of scenario?
There are hundreads if not thousands of the opposite sex in the ocean, but why does one particular one continue getting caught on your fishing pole? Is it Love...Is it coincidence...or is it just because we as people are afraid to throw our poles a little bit farther? Scared to maintain the correct posture, position and format in our shot just because the last couple did not fall in our favor? Or is it because we are terrified of the slightest thought of trying something new?

Maybe it is something in the back of our minds that say "we ourselves are not perfect, nor will we ever be" We too have put the other person through heartaches as well. Forgiving them in a sense would be a way of saying they are forgiving you. A clean slate..

But is there such a thing as a clean slate? In the back of your mind you are wondering does that situation still replay in the other persons mind, a slight mistrust starts to creep in and settle, and just like roaches, when it settles it is hard as hell for them to completely be terminated. The "T" word always arises in these particular situations...Try

So...the question lies... When does One Completely Give Up on Trying?
romance and relationships

Do pick up lines still work?

An old school topic mixed with some new school rhetoric.

Have you ever been in the predicament where you feel someone is checking you out, and from your peripheral vision you see him coming from a mile away, he is kind of cute so your heart is racing, impatient for him to make his way through the crowd and sweep you off of your feet in front of all your girlfriends with his rock star swagger, and Romeo like poetic terminology. He gently reaches for your hand, you feel the sensation pulsating from your wrist to your fingers, your head turns to catch the total full body view; you like what you see, and with your eyes fixated on his lips he utters something along the lines of “I lost my teddy bear, will you sleep with me?”, and just as he fumbles the ball, you start to question why some guys say what they say, or just have problems saying what they really want to say.

I do not have to remind the ladies that most guys are not naturally gifted with the smooth talking chromosome embedded in their genes, nor do the majority of men possess the Don Juan charm and charisma that others enjoy. Pick up lines provide a place for guys to hide behind their shyness, it allows them to break the ice of being uncomfortable when faced with the situation of looking directly into the eyes of a beautiful woman with a warm friendly smile, and maintaining their cool. Pick up lines are a guys gateway drug to either success, or rejection, but before you go soliciting your contraband to the next woman in sight, here is a guide.

The goal here is to embed a memorable impression which is key in a woman’s mind; that is the reason for using pick up lines in the first place, but face it; women get hit on all of the time, from school to church to the local grocery store the list can go on and on, but especially in a bar/club where the ratio tends to be more in favor of the woman than the man. Point being is that they have heard it all before, or at least something similar, so when thinking pick up line think short, catchy, and to the point. First, a rehearsed, but non scripted sounding line or two normally works best; women have a keen eye for B.S. as well as a line that sounds like it was being practiced while getting dressed. Secondly, to execute catchy, compliment her on her wardrobe, although simple most guys are so overwhelmed, or overconfident in themselves that they simply overlook this approach. Another alternative for catchy would be to reach for her waist or wrist and when I say reach I mean reach do not grab, keep in mind this is a judgment call, if you feel confident enough to make the move for the waist by all means go for it, if not I would advise seriously to stick with the hand (no need for you to piss her off, and have the scene turn into a Rhianna Chris Brown fiasco). Lastly, to get to the point you want to state what you want, not to passively, and not to aggressively, but somewhere in the middle and remember it is not always about saying the right thing; it is how you say it. A tip I use to remember this is by keeping your three C’s: Cool, Confidence, and your Composure no matter the situation, no matter the circumstance.

Taking all this into account next time you approach a beautiful lady back straight head up maintaining your cool, confidence, and compusure walk up to her and say, "See my friend over there? He wants to know if you think I'm cute."
romance and relationships

When you 1st get a woman's number, should one leave a voice message if she doesn't pick up?

So.... it is the end of the night and the liquor has completely consumed your emotions, you are feeling bold, confident, and care free! Now is the time to make your move; after careful consideration, and evaluation one finds the one that captures their attention. You walk up to her, start to chit chat and next thing you know you have gotten her number, but you are only half way through the battle. The next day you are going through your phone, and there it is... you stumble upon that number that you acquired the day before and decide to give it a call. Ring Ring Ring no answer, next thing you hear is please leave your message at the sound of the beep.

So the question lies, When you 1st get a woman's number, should one leave a voice message if she doesn't pick up? One can defend this question by saying "leaving a voice message puts the ball in the women's court, by leaving a message if she is interested she will call back", correct? Well not exactly! Thinking in terms of a single woman or just woman in general the road runner and the coyote theatrics is their cup of tea, their nonsexual foreplay in which they all engage in (and quite well might I add). The woman did not want the ball to be in her court, well not yet anyways, hence the reason why she did not approach you, and ask for your number in the first place. Remember you initiated the conversation, you initiated the request for the digits, and you should be the one to initiate the 1st live telephone conversation as well.

Lets take into account one scenario where the woman does not pick up the phone, there could be numerous reasons why she does not the first time, she could be at work, she could be on the line with her girlfriends, or maybe it is just that she does not pick up phone numbers she does not recognize, the list goes on and on. First impressions are everything, well at least that is how the saying goes. Do you want your first conversation with a particular person to be in the form of a voice message? We all know no matter how hard one tries to sound smooth and poised on a voicemail, it never succeeds, your voice sounds funny, you forget to leave your name or number, or your just not quite sure what to say. Why put the ball in her court when the ball so far has been in yours, the power you worked so hard to obtain you just took it and left it on the voicemail. Women crave spuntinuity, outside the box thinking, and most importantly a challenge. I am not one for playing games, but understand it is all about how you play the game! So remember the next time you get that number and just as your about to press the green talk button, Ring..Ring..Ring..and you hear please record your message after the tone In the words of the Late Great Aaliyah "Dust yourself off and try again."
romance and relationships

Confessions of a Professional Dating Procrastinator

Last minute gifts..trust me I am an expert in this category!
First step, don't panic or stress, visualize the situation, and envision exactly how you want the outcome to occur. Now if your married, or have been in a fairly long relationship you might think this doesn't apply, but your absolutely wrong. If this is your first Valentines Day with a person, you want everything to go smoothly, and as planned. Valentines Day was designed to get men to spend money, as well as exploit those who fail to comply. Envision you and your partner at a restaurant in a long line waiting for hours mad you came here, and as brisk as breeze the smooth, young guy passes you up with a reservation for two that just got there. What do you THINK your partners thinking in the back of her mind? So in order to avoid that as well as other major pitfalls follow these instructions precisely. Remember Life is 10% motivation, 90% Preparation. Can't decide where to take your main squeeze for the dinner date? Remember, When thinking elegance in an dinning atmosphere... think scenery! Therefore even if the food, or service isn't up to standards at least there's something to look at, besides your hot date to take your mind off of it.

So by this time you should be searching..searching...searching for a place that has not been completely booked to capacity by all the other overachievers. Here is the solution, call the restaurant and ask them what is the expected wait time, they will respond back an hour or two, cool. Depending on when you want to take your date out plan accordingly, if you want to be eating around 8:30 pm you go to the restaurant at 6:30 pm check in by yourself, the host will tell you its going to be 2 hours, but you already knew that. Within this time frame is your chance to run your errands (i.e. pick up cards, stuffed teddy bears, chocolate, and roses) Go back home and get dressed around 7:15-7:30 pm, the goal is to be leaving her place no later than 8:00 pm, and arriving at the restaurant at 8:15 pm. You guys will arrive at the door with a long line, and she will think damn he didn't get a reservation we're going to be here for awhile. Dont worry, that is exactly what you want her to think!


Cordially walk up to the host/hostess by yourself, and ask has (name) party of two been called, they will say no, that's when you go back and wait with her for awhile playing the dumb role. A couple of minutes should pass and next thing you know you hear "(name) party of two." With a cute, but devious smile you take her hand and walk her to the table, she will be thinking awww he did make reservations how sweet...

Your in there... HAPPY VALENTINES

romance and relationships

Do you need some great dating tips? Here, you will find all kinds of tips for those pesky times where you just don't know what to do or where to go. We have all kinds of ideas and tips that will blow you away! One of our first suggestions is to make sure that you bathe or shower. This is, of course very obvious but you would be surprised how many people just don't keep up with their personal hygiene. Smelling great has been scientifically proven to increase your chances of having a successful date. One of the best things you can do to insure your date goes well is to use some kind of attractant cologne or perfume and you’ll notice the results!

Don't forget to make a dating plan and then plan some more! With our help, before you know it, you'll be dating up a storm.

Let's say you have found a person you would really like to go out with, and you are ready to ask that person out on a date. You will immediately have the question, "What are we going to do on our date?"

This question can be particularly tough on the first date because you are trying to make a good first impression and you may or may not know what your partner likes to do. On subsequent dates things tend to get easier. But there are few things more uncomfortable than the conversation that goes like this:

He: "Would you like to go out on a date this weekend?"
She: "I would love to!"
He: "What would you like to do?"
She: "I don't know, what would you like to do?"
He: "I don't know..."

To avoid this little scene, it is helpful to have something in mind when you call!

This site gives you a catalogue of over 50 dating ideas. Use them as a starting point - let these ideas trigger other ideas in your own head. Focus on the ones that sound good to you and go from there.



On to the Planning Stage or on to the Classic Dates!.

GOT An Issue.. Need Feedback or Advice?

Outside the Box Thinker answers questions from men and women on relationships,
advice, and second opinions. If you have a question and want some feedback, or just
an independent view

Email us at


outsidetheboxsa@gmail.com

The Educated Vs The Uneducated in Context to Relationships...

How can a person without a college education challenge their partner who has a college education? Challenge in terms of being debatable, knowledgeable, quick on your toes, and just all around informed about current events, and issues taking place in society. Over an enlightening conversation with a respective colleague of mine, it dawned on me, do people with higher education have a harder time getting a date compared to those that don't?

LISTEN BY CLICKING HERE


Does the perception of a person having a degree scare, or turn off the opposite sex who feels Intimidated based on the Overconfidence a person with a college degree may posses?

Or, is it more about that a person without that higher education not wanting to hear the truth out of outright fear of rejection?

This is the latest trend hitting the dating scene, and I hear it from both men, and women alike.

But the question is How does one narrow this gap?

My response is by first and foremost being yourself, you can not change who you are for a second, the act may last, but consequently it will fail because the stress and pressure will build up to the point of a total collapse. If it does not work then it was not meant to be..take it as that, and move on.

Secondly,
Higher education is not for everyone nor does it measure compatibility with a partner either.. remember that funny feeling you get when your around someone that you truly care for, the way it makes you feel, the pausing heartbeats, and slight moments of breathlessness.. well, at the end of the day it did not matter how many degrees that person had, or how many times they were on the honor roll, at the end of the day it was about how that person made you feel.

Thirdly, from the standpoint of the higher educated person, a non educated, or not as educated person must understand that a higher educated persons way of thinking is far from the norm, little comments and or jokes that may seem entertaining to a friend may not be as appealing to the higher educated woman/man. Their mind frames are programmed completely different, their focus is what they are into, their degree field, their hobbies. Therefore if you want to impress a guy, or girl doing a little research never hurts a situation staying informed of current events in your mates, or hope to be mates interest only equates to better communication, openess, and a sense of your partner wanting to be expressive with you.

Remember, higher educated people love to show off their intelligence, so feed him or her information, let them know you can hang in their relam as well, it gives them a sense of competitiveness... and trust me they love that more than anything else!

Enlighten Your Mind, Stimulate Your Soul

romance and relationships